1 00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:43,909 -Evening, Carver of Graven Images. -Homer the Thief. How's business? 2 00:01:44,169 --> 00:01:47,787 Been a little slow. Not much to steal in the desert. 3 00:01:48,006 --> 00:01:53,380 Do not worry. We'll be wandering out here another two weeks, tops. 4 00:01:54,429 --> 00:01:57,513 Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her regards. 5 00:01:57,765 --> 00:02:03,186 -Yes, she's a good woman. Very good. -Thank you, my lusty friend. 6 00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:15,197 -Moses is back. -Quick! Everybody, look busy. 7 00:02:16,407 --> 00:02:21,033 The Lord has handed down to us 10 commandments by which to live. 8 00:02:21,286 --> 00:02:23,956 I will read them in no particular order. 9 00:02:24,206 --> 00:02:29,033 -"Thou shalt not make graven images." -Oh, my God! 10 00:02:29,252 --> 00:02:34,412 -"Thou shalt not commit adultery." -Well, looks like the party's over. 11 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,586 Hey, Moses. Keep them coming! 12 00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:41,051 "Thou shalt not steal." 13 00:02:42,097 --> 00:02:43,377 Sorry, Homer. 14 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:54,389 That's the most dishonest thing I've ever heard! I should box your ears! 15 00:02:54,650 --> 00:02:56,808 -You sneaky Pete! -Easy, tiger. 16 00:02:57,069 --> 00:02:59,227 You, easy. Get off my property! 17 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,447 Flanders, who put that bug up your butt? 18 00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:06,156 I wanted to subscribe to the arts and crafts channel. 19 00:03:06,369 --> 00:03:10,236 They sent this man to install it. You know what he did? 20 00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:14,875 He offered to hook me up illegally to every channel for $50. 21 00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,541 Boy, what's this world coming to? 22 00:03:17,796 --> 00:03:20,168 -That's exactly-- -Gotta go. 23 00:03:21,257 --> 00:03:23,416 Hey, stop, cable man! Stop! 24 00:03:28,347 --> 00:03:31,514 -What do you want? -I want free cable! 25 00:03:32,935 --> 00:03:35,805 This is okay. Everybody does it, right? 26 00:03:36,062 --> 00:03:40,012 What? If you're having second thoughts, read this. 27 00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:43,187 "So You've Decided to Steal Cable." 28 00:03:43,444 --> 00:03:46,017 "Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. 29 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:51,701 Fact: Cable companies are faceless corporations which makes it okay." 30 00:03:53,703 --> 00:03:56,538 The clown that will last a lifetime. 31 00:03:56,790 --> 00:04:00,834 Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope! 32 00:04:01,043 --> 00:04:04,044 Don't you hate it when you go to the toilet... 33 00:04:04,296 --> 00:04:06,538 ...and there's no toilet paper? 34 00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:10,916 It's funny because it's true! 35 00:04:11,178 --> 00:04:14,629 Oh, hey! Family! Family, come here. 36 00:04:14,848 --> 00:04:20,221 I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable! 37 00:04:20,436 --> 00:04:21,385 Cable?! 38 00:04:21,645 --> 00:04:25,014 Right. 68 channels. MTV for the kids. 39 00:04:25,274 --> 00:04:30,434 VH1 for us. 1600 hours of quality programming every day. 40 00:04:30,695 --> 00:04:35,108 We've talked about cable before. You think we can afford it? 41 00:04:35,366 --> 00:04:38,865 Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that. 42 00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:40,655 Is this legal? 43 00:04:40,871 --> 00:04:42,614 Don't worry. Look at this. 44 00:04:42,873 --> 00:04:47,036 "Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies." 45 00:04:47,294 --> 00:04:50,662 Fact: Most movies on cable get two stars or less... 46 00:04:50,922 --> 00:04:53,673 "...and are repeated ad nauseam." 47 00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:56,706 -I don't know. -Marge. 48 00:04:56,969 --> 00:04:59,886 Hear Me Roar, the network for women. 49 00:05:00,097 --> 00:05:06,099 We'll teach you to lower your bill by making your own Band-Aids. 50 00:05:06,311 --> 00:05:08,553 Oh, that's a good idea. 51 00:05:08,771 --> 00:05:13,018 Before we begin, you'll need 5 yards of sterilized cotton. 52 00:05:17,946 --> 00:05:22,489 Pro wrestling from Mexico. Down there, it's a real sport. 53 00:05:22,742 --> 00:05:25,992 This is where Jaws eats the boat. 54 00:05:26,246 --> 00:05:29,163 Here, Die Hard jumps through the window. 55 00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:32,250 This is where Wall Street gets arrested. 56 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:37,880 If I could call your attention to the Subsidy Appropriations... 57 00:05:38,131 --> 00:05:42,460 ...Override Bill. I refer you to page 4500-- 58 00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:44,592 They think people watch that. 59 00:05:44,846 --> 00:05:49,554 Live, from New Orleans. This is the World Series of Cockfighting! 60 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:53,515 Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou tonight. 61 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:57,982 We'd get there quicker if I drove my dad's car. 62 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:03,108 -Aren't you ready for church, Homer? -Huh? What? Okay. 63 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:11,743 Today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. 64 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:16,746 He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. 65 00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:19,200 And his instant pizza pie. 66 00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:20,955 Oh, pizza. 67 00:06:21,504 --> 00:06:27,340 Children, I don't want you to get frightened but I must teach you this. 68 00:06:27,593 --> 00:06:30,344 Today's topic will be hell. 69 00:06:30,888 --> 00:06:36,012 I sat through mercy and forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff. 70 00:06:36,226 --> 00:06:40,852 Hell is terrible! Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. 71 00:06:41,105 --> 00:06:45,897 There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented. 72 00:06:46,151 --> 00:06:51,311 If you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened you would die. 73 00:06:51,531 --> 00:06:53,322 -Miss Albright? -Yes. 74 00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:57,281 -Won't you eventually get used to it? -No. 75 00:06:57,495 --> 00:06:59,950 -Yes. -Are there pirates in hell? 76 00:07:00,164 --> 00:07:02,785 -Thousands of them. -Oh, baby! 77 00:07:03,042 --> 00:07:06,909 So there's a downside to the afterlife. 78 00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,840 How does one steer clear of this? 79 00:07:10,090 --> 00:07:12,545 By obeying the 10 Commandments. 80 00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:16,300 Ten simple rules that are easy to live by. 81 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,850 -What did you children learn about? -Hell. 82 00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:28,721 I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell... 83 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,686 -...unless I say "hell." -He has a point. 84 00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:33,016 Hell, yes! 85 00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:35,394 Hell, hell, hell, hell.... 86 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:41,734 Bart! You're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear. 87 00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:49,446 Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay-TV? 88 00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:54,659 -Are you sure this isn't stealing? -Read the pamphlet. 89 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,205 Hello, I'm Troy McClure. 90 00:07:57,424 --> 00:08:02,169 You may remember me from Cry Yuma and Here Comes the Coast Guard! 91 00:08:02,429 --> 00:08:07,386 I'd like to talk about a candy that cleans and straightens your teeth! 92 00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:10,393 A program-length advertisement! 93 00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:16,023 Wait a minute. I'm confused. Did you say "cleans and straightens"? 94 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:19,353 There's no confusion. Just good science. 95 00:08:19,611 --> 00:08:23,478 Ladies and gentlemen, the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera. 96 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:27,322 -Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody! -Hi, Dr. Riviera! 97 00:08:27,577 --> 00:08:32,915 Now, could I have a volunteer? Somebody with crooked, yellow teeth. 98 00:08:45,218 --> 00:08:49,345 Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. 99 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:52,431 It won't cost you a thing. 100 00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:55,346 Except your soul! 101 00:08:56,686 --> 00:09:00,766 -What's gotten into Lisa? -Beats the hell out of me! 102 00:09:11,074 --> 00:09:13,909 -What are you doing? -What do you mean? 103 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,031 -Remember the 8th commandment? -Of course. 104 00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:21,120 Thou shalt not.... Covet... 105 00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:24,085 ...graven images. Something about covet. 106 00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:27,248 Thou shalt not steal! 107 00:09:28,924 --> 00:09:30,584 Anything else? 108 00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:36,092 Yes. I ate two grapes. Please charge me for them. 109 00:09:36,306 --> 00:09:38,594 Two grapes? Who cares? 110 00:09:38,808 --> 00:09:41,844 -Just charge me something, please. -Okay. 111 00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:45,892 I need a price check on two grapes. You heard me, Phil. 112 00:09:46,106 --> 00:09:48,513 Two measly, stinking grapes. 113 00:09:49,151 --> 00:09:53,148 If you didn't catch it in the theater or rent it... 114 00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:56,571 ... we've got it! On the Blockbuster Channel! 115 00:09:56,741 --> 00:09:59,825 Why is the world a cesspool of corruption? 116 00:10:00,035 --> 00:10:03,321 Oh, great. All right, what makes you say that? 117 00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:06,830 In Sunday school we learned stealing is a sin. 118 00:10:07,042 --> 00:10:10,161 But everybody does it. We're stealing cable. 119 00:10:11,462 --> 00:10:15,674 -Did you pay for your breakfast? -No. 120 00:10:15,925 --> 00:10:19,044 -Did you pay for your clothes? -No, I didn't. 121 00:10:19,261 --> 00:10:22,844 Run for the hills, Ma Barker, before I call the feds! 122 00:10:23,098 --> 00:10:27,095 -I think that's pretty spurious. -Well, thank you, honey. 123 00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:30,513 Friday night, live. The ultimate matchup. 124 00:10:30,772 --> 00:10:33,891 The bout to knock the other guy out. 125 00:10:34,108 --> 00:10:37,524 Watson-Tatum Two. This time it's for money! 126 00:10:37,778 --> 00:10:41,194 -Oh, boy! -Only on the Blockbuster Channel. 127 00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:48,994 How can one little insulated wire bring so much happiness? 128 00:10:54,084 --> 00:10:55,495 Big fight coming up. 129 00:10:55,753 --> 00:10:58,919 Wanna come over and listen to it on the radio? 130 00:10:59,131 --> 00:11:04,255 Okay. After the fight, we can watch the still photos on the news. 131 00:11:04,469 --> 00:11:06,757 Not too shabby! What do you say? 132 00:11:08,264 --> 00:11:10,505 We could do that, yeah. 133 00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:15,262 Or we could go over to my house and watch it live on cable TV! 134 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,806 -Get off! -You're kidding me! 135 00:11:19,065 --> 00:11:20,892 Pass the pumice, please. 136 00:11:21,109 --> 00:11:23,434 He's Homer from sector 7-G. 137 00:11:23,653 --> 00:11:27,982 Excellent. I'm so keen on seeing Watson vs. Tatum Two... 138 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,783 ...I'd even go to an employee's house. I can picture it now. 139 00:11:33,036 --> 00:11:36,156 The screen door resting off its hinges. 140 00:11:36,414 --> 00:11:40,791 Mangy dog staggering about looking vainly for a place to die. 141 00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:43,160 -May I speak frankly? -Yes. 142 00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:48,005 -You are quite wealthy. -Thank you. Your candor is refreshing. 143 00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:51,010 Why don't you pay for the fight yourself? 144 00:11:51,219 --> 00:11:56,973 The big fight is one of those rare occasions that I savor the sights... 145 00:11:57,183 --> 00:12:01,346 ...the sounds and the smells of other men. 146 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,643 You haven't lost the common touch. 147 00:12:04,106 --> 00:12:08,317 -So, Homer, I hear you got the fight. -That's right. 148 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:12,738 -8:00, my place. Come one, come all. -All right. 149 00:12:12,947 --> 00:12:16,482 Moe, how come you never got cable for the bar? 150 00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:20,319 Well, it was either cable or the mechanical bull. 151 00:12:20,538 --> 00:12:23,207 I made my choice and I stand by it. 152 00:12:25,626 --> 00:12:29,705 -Somebody's having a party. -Friday night. Wanna come over? 153 00:12:29,963 --> 00:12:34,459 No, thanks. I'm open 24 hours. It puts great demands on my time. 154 00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:37,213 Too bad. It'll be a great fight. 155 00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:41,847 The fight! I'll get my brother, Sanjay, to cover for me. 156 00:12:42,099 --> 00:12:44,506 He deplores violence. 157 00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:50,145 If a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that's stealing? 158 00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:54,484 No. It is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example. 159 00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:55,974 I see. 160 00:12:56,237 --> 00:13:00,448 You're here for a reason. Is your father stealing bread? 161 00:13:00,657 --> 00:13:06,197 I don't watch him every minute. But we're getting cable for free. 162 00:13:06,538 --> 00:13:11,532 I'm afraid that is stealing. I think you must do something. 163 00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:16,211 -Should I have him arrested? -That seems like an ideal solution. 164 00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:21,582 But remember the 5th commandment: "Honor thy father and thy mother." 165 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:27,797 I would like to see you set an example by not watching... 166 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,675 -...the offending technology yourself. -Thank you. 167 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:37,268 You're watching Top Hat Entertainment. Adult programming all day, every day. 168 00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:42,903 Except in Florida and Utah. Coming up next, Stardust Mammaries. 169 00:13:45,198 --> 00:13:48,033 -Ay, carumba! -Bart! 170 00:13:48,242 --> 00:13:52,322 -Here's what I was looking for. -Blue chips closed up 3 3/4. 171 00:13:52,579 --> 00:13:54,987 Oil service stocks slumped.... 172 00:13:55,207 --> 00:13:58,161 You shouldn't watch that other channel. 173 00:13:58,418 --> 00:14:01,869 It's for mommies and daddies who love each other. 174 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:05,795 -Promise me you won't ever watch it. -Okay. 175 00:14:06,008 --> 00:14:08,760 -Promise me. -I promise I won't watch it. 176 00:14:09,011 --> 00:14:10,470 -Good boy. -Hi, Dad. 177 00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:14,054 Stealing cable is wrong, so I'm not watching it... 178 00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:19,141 ...in the hope that others will follow my example. Thank you. 179 00:14:19,354 --> 00:14:22,972 Hey, Lisa. Racing from Belmont? Horsies! 180 00:14:23,232 --> 00:14:25,853 Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. 181 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:30,227 There's something wrong with that kid. She's so moral. 182 00:14:30,447 --> 00:14:34,231 Why can't she be more like...? Well, not like Bart. 183 00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:38,490 -But there's gotta be a happy medium. -Well, you know.... 184 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:41,326 Bart was looking at that racy movie. 185 00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:44,826 And Lisa is losing a little respect for you. 186 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:48,999 Maybe we should think about unhooking the cable. 187 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:53,585 -Unhook it? But I love cable! -Then you should pay for it. 188 00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:58,304 I can't afford it. When I can afford to pay for it, I will. 189 00:14:58,556 --> 00:15:01,011 But I can't so I'm not going to. 190 00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:05,009 Cable has become an evil presence in our home. 191 00:15:05,229 --> 00:15:09,855 Marge, I never put my foot down about anything. 192 00:15:10,108 --> 00:15:12,599 But I'm severely tempted to do it. 193 00:15:12,819 --> 00:15:15,523 -No. -I'm sorry, it's coming down. 194 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:18,318 -No. -It's coming down. That's it! 195 00:15:18,574 --> 00:15:22,986 It's coming down! The cable stays. The foot has spoken. 196 00:15:25,122 --> 00:15:27,494 -Lemonade? Please. -Seen it. 197 00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:30,454 -Cleans and straightens-- -Seen it. 198 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,708 -Seen it. -I was poor. 199 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,755 Soccer. Seen it. 200 00:15:36,006 --> 00:15:38,046 -Simpson. -How did you get in? 201 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,135 Your door wasn't locked well enough. 202 00:15:41,386 --> 00:15:45,300 Would you be interested in this stereo? A $500 value. 203 00:15:45,557 --> 00:15:47,596 You can have it for $40. 204 00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:51,136 -Get out! Criminal! -I'll go see a neighbor. 205 00:15:51,354 --> 00:15:54,687 -He's not home! -Even better. 206 00:15:59,528 --> 00:16:02,647 You sure about this? Doesn't look friendly. 207 00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:06,156 Can't be too careful. Thieves are everywhere. 208 00:16:06,409 --> 00:16:09,908 I'm not talking about the small, forgivable stuff. 209 00:16:10,288 --> 00:16:13,988 Come one, come all! Top Hat Theater is on the air! 210 00:16:14,249 --> 00:16:19,540 The most beautiful women! Just 50 cents! I'm your host, Bart Simpson! 211 00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:22,631 You must be at least 8 years old. 212 00:16:24,801 --> 00:16:29,925 And now The Top Hat Channel is proud to present Broadcast Nudes. 213 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,972 -Gross! -Yet strangely compelling. 214 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,468 -It's a raid! -What the--? 215 00:16:39,981 --> 00:16:42,270 I know you. Come back here! 216 00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:48,611 You promised me you wouldn't watch that trash. Go to your room! 217 00:16:48,822 --> 00:16:51,823 I wish I was an adult so I could break rules. 218 00:16:52,075 --> 00:16:53,107 Oh, great. 219 00:16:56,204 --> 00:17:00,996 -I brought some imported generic beer. -Thank you, Barney. 220 00:17:01,209 --> 00:17:04,992 -How many people are coming? -Just a select circle. 221 00:17:05,254 --> 00:17:08,124 Hello! I brought an assortment of jerkies. 222 00:17:08,382 --> 00:17:13,506 -Did you swipe those from work? -Certainly not. What are you implying? 223 00:17:13,762 --> 00:17:17,261 There is no love lost between these two warriors. 224 00:17:17,515 --> 00:17:21,014 We almost had a scuffle today at the weigh-in. 225 00:17:21,269 --> 00:17:24,602 You have a special motivation going into this bout. 226 00:17:24,855 --> 00:17:29,849 I want to dedicate this fight to my manager, Vinnie, who got me here... 227 00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:31,443 ...and then... 228 00:17:32,487 --> 00:17:35,856 -...passed away two weeks ago. -Any response? 229 00:17:36,074 --> 00:17:40,237 I would also like to dedicate this fight to this manager. 230 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,202 -You can't! -I can! 231 00:17:42,454 --> 00:17:45,455 You dedicate the fight to your manager! 232 00:17:45,707 --> 00:17:49,372 I want to tell you that I'm not watching this fight. 233 00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:52,705 It's my form of nonviolent protest. 234 00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:57,208 Hi, Homer. I brought you-- 235 00:17:57,468 --> 00:18:01,679 Quick! It's Moe. I gotta hide the mugs. 236 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:10,220 Will you get--? Hey, go protest outside, will you? Now! 237 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:15,233 -Hi. I brought you a mug. -Thank you. 238 00:18:15,484 --> 00:18:17,856 I always wanted one of these. 239 00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:21,689 Oh! Mr. Burns! 240 00:18:22,908 --> 00:18:26,442 -Hide the stuff I borrowed from work! -Borrowed? 241 00:18:26,661 --> 00:18:30,243 -Okay, that stuff I stole from work. -Oh, okay. 242 00:18:34,877 --> 00:18:37,996 Come on! Take all this. Put it in the closet. 243 00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:40,828 Will you quit staring at me like that? 244 00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:46,336 Hello. We were in the neighborhood and thought we'd drop by. 245 00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:51,180 Hello, Mr. Burns. Like to watch the fight? 246 00:18:51,392 --> 00:18:53,717 The fight! Don't mind if I do. 247 00:18:53,978 --> 00:18:58,224 Oh, Simpson. Good news. I brought some munchies. 248 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,681 Smithers, the Cheetos. 249 00:19:03,987 --> 00:19:07,854 In but a few scant minutes, the anticipation-- 250 00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:10,731 -Simpson? -Yes. 251 00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:14,278 -You have an illegal cable hookup. -No. No, l-- 252 00:19:14,538 --> 00:19:17,788 It wasn't me. It was my wife's idea. Yeah! 253 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,077 Hey, hey, hey. 254 00:19:20,335 --> 00:19:21,877 Settle down, fella. 255 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:25,082 We were hoping we could watch the fight. 256 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,788 Oh, sure, sure. Be my guest. 257 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:36,338 -Here's lemonade for your protest. -Thanks, Mom. 258 00:19:36,599 --> 00:19:39,719 -It isn't going very well. -Don't give up. 259 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:43,097 When you love somebody, you must have faith... 260 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,929 ...that they will do the right thing. 261 00:19:46,483 --> 00:19:50,528 He learned how to fight in the projects of Capital City... 262 00:19:50,779 --> 00:19:54,479 ...and honed his skills while serving time for assault... 263 00:19:54,741 --> 00:19:56,983 ...in Springfield Prison. 264 00:19:57,201 --> 00:19:59,906 All right! A local boy! 265 00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:04,663 For 5 years, I was away from my kids and their mothers. 266 00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:07,330 The conditions were irrevocable. 267 00:20:07,544 --> 00:20:12,419 Assault. Manslaughter. Stealing cable TV! 268 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:18,255 Marge! Lisa! Maggie! 269 00:20:23,517 --> 00:20:26,304 Shake hands. Keep it clean. 270 00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:28,015 Come on, boy! 271 00:20:30,231 --> 00:20:34,181 Excuse me. I hate to interrupt your judging me. 272 00:20:34,444 --> 00:20:37,563 I've made a couple of important decisions. 273 00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:41,605 Number one: I'm cutting the cable when the fight's over. 274 00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:45,236 Number two: I'm not very fond of any of you. 275 00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:47,660 -Back to the fight. -Get down! 276 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,321 We may have saved your soul. 277 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,498 Tatum is reeling! 278 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,995 Yeah, at the worst possible time. 279 00:20:56,672 --> 00:21:00,005 Eight! Nine! Ten! 280 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,589 This fight is history! It's done! 281 00:21:04,804 --> 00:21:08,849 A stunning knockout by a thunderous punch in the 12th round. 282 00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:11,887 Tatum is the new champion of the world! 283 00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:16,396 Everyone to my place for squishies and microwave burritos. 284 00:21:17,357 --> 00:21:20,643 Best fight ever and I missed it. 285 00:21:20,902 --> 00:21:22,895 We're really proud of you. 286 00:21:23,154 --> 00:21:25,443 -What a donnybrook! -Hogwash! 287 00:21:25,698 --> 00:21:31,487 I once watched Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo bare-knuckled for 113 rounds! 288 00:21:31,745 --> 00:21:36,372 Back then, if it was less than 50 rounds, we demanded our nickel back! 289 00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,788 -Cable clippers. -Here you go. 290 00:21:40,003 --> 00:21:43,122 -Go for it, Dad. -I beg you to reconsider. 291 00:21:43,381 --> 00:21:48,339 Tractor pulls. Atlanta Braves baseball. Joe Franklin! 292 00:22:04,734 --> 00:22:07,355 Third time's a charm. 9999 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,000 Sync, Edited, Checked by Ikatz